Stobs-un-well...

I recently reailised something that, perhaps deep within my thought process, I pretty much knew already, but it somehow still hit me like a roundhouse kick from a metal coated Chuck Norris. Stobswell, Dundee, is the grimest, stupidest, most spine chillingly horrid place this planet has to offer. Stobie, as it's known more commonly amoung the humanoid vermin that patrol those streets, it seems is the epicentre for all the junkies, whores, slashers, thieves, NEDs, alcoholics, tramps and any other morbid species of ill natured so-called "humans" you'd care to mention, they're everywhere in that scheme. I'm aware there are many other dives which are home to similar species of prick, however, you'd be forgiven for attempting to launch a full-scale investigation to find one normal person in Stobswell and that alone would be enough material for an entire new series of any detective programme.

Seriously though, if it's not the self-proclaimed YSB (Young Stobie Boys Bastards) mulling around newsagents like gormless, tracksuit-wearing grim reapers who have exchanged their sickles for bottles of Skittles, it's the crack oriented junk mongers from hell shouting the £1million question on everyone's mind, which is 'DAVIE! DID YOU GET YER METH PRESCRIPTION!?', from one end of the scheme to the very opposite. You never quite feel secure walking those streets in fear of being, in some way, molested by a whithered alkie who probably views having a bath like most others would view going on a magical fairytale adventure of epic proportion.

If all that wasn't terrible enough, a new sex shop has opened in Stobswell called 'Playful Secrets'. I don't know precisely how long it has been open, but it can't have been long because I pass that area frequently and haven't noticed it until a few days ago. Stobie already has a kinky store, the aptly named 'Desire', so why open another... there!? I'm assuming, despite a lack of knowledge, that there are maybe 3 or 4 sex shops in the whole of Dundee, half of them are in Stobswell. Jesus wept, this is the last place we need a sex shop in, let alone another. Worst case scenario is increasing their will to breed and reproduce more little beasts who will carry on the mink legacy. I fear that it could lead to a countrywide epidemic if we're not careful.

Rant on.