Sunday 18 March 2012

Paddy power, online football fans, Fabrice Muamba reaction...

For those who didn't know - possibly due to premature death or mild retardation - yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. If you don't believe me, look at your calander and you'll witness his name on it... well, some of you will. Anyway, as is tradition, almost every Scot (yes, SCOT) took to the streets, bars and clubs last night in celebration of a Saint who is widely known to have very little to do with this country.

So, why is it every year all the citizens of Scotland give it laldy over St. Paddy? Answer: we're all ill minded pricks. Some more than others, of course. People waving Irish flags everywhere like it's Norma Jean's underwear that they found under their pillow, wearing guinness hats whilst ordering bottles of Peroni at the bar and generally Liver Dancing around like acid-injected phlem when somewhere around 15-20% of them are actually Irish. I know you're probably thinking 'come on, Marc, they're just having a good time, let them be'. Where are they on St. Andrew's Day, in the house sipping Irn-Bru Sugar Free? I'm afraid us Scots have it all in reverse, instead of celebrating the Saint of our own country we decide to celebrate that Irish shit.

It frustrates me when folk tell me 'och, it's an excuse to get pished!' As opposed to the other 50 weeks in the year that you were/will be paraletic? Why do you need an excuse all of a sudden and is it necessary for it to be an Irish-themed excuse in Scotland? If you knew about Chinese New Year we'd all be fucking doomed.

Facebook is rife with apparent football fanatics. There are some who rabbit on about teams/players constantly but have hardly felt a stadium seat against their arse cheeks. There are some who go to games consistently, although I'm surprised that they manage to witness any action with their noses firmly pointed to their touch-screen smartphones the entire time giving people, who would only be vaguely interested if they were locked in John Krammer's house and it was on his TV, a near play-by-play commentary over Facebook.

Reaction to good results is equally distressing. Incidentally, it's hard to tell what constitutes as a good result when the team in question is Dundee United. On the subject of D. United, this term that online fans keep using - 'we are United, we'll do what we want' - couldn't be more pathetic if it were voiced by members of the cast from TOWIE. You mean you can do what you want simply because you support Dundee United? If that was the case, maybe Tanndice would actually recieve a near capacity crowd for once, followed by as many crimes as your calculator could count.

I was watching the Tottenham - Bolton match where Bolton player Fabrice Muamba collapsed due to a cardiac arrest. Nobody likes to see or hear about things like this happening to anyone, let alone a gifted footballer on live television. However, as much as I hate to see this happen to such a genuine and talented human being, some of the reaction and statements have tickled my ranty bone.

For example, 'this puts football and everything else into perspective'. What perspective is that, football is more dangerous than rocket propelled drag racing? This is a classic 'come on, milk the piss out of it' statement. Send your condolances, wish him well, but don't come out with amateur philosophical lines like that perticular gem, it doesn't help Muamba... only your likes, comments or subscribers count. I have to laugh at all the religious comments too, I'm sorry. 'God is in control now.' No he is not, Muamba's body is in control you freak.

Rant on.

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