An ice cream Kony at the London Olympics 2012...

Kony 2012. A near 30-minute YouTube advertisement created by charity, Invisible Children, to raise the awareness of African war lord Joseph Kony. A sound plan? If you enjoy retro rebellion, sort of.

I may come across as a complete sociopath at times, but I actually oppose abducting children and starting your own army of death. Cops and robbers, ok. Cowboys and Indians, fine. Joseph Kony went slightly beyond a pale of rice however with his game, Innocent Families and Soldier Kids. To cut a 28-minute story short, Kony pretty much abducted Ugandan children and trained them as soldiers to systematically torture and kill their own families for his own psychotic amusement. You thought Frankie Boyle had an evil sense of humour?

The thing is, nothing has happened in Uganda involving Joseph Kony in about 6 years. I'm not suggesting he shouldn't be captured, but why not bring this shit up when it was actually going on? That's like me going to the police and telling them someone stole my bike in 2006. Ok, on a far grander scale I'll give you that, but you see my point. Also, the majority of donations sent to Invisible Children don't even go towards helping countries suffering from poverty, war, disease and the likes, it goes towards horse shit like this...

http://www.youtube.com/embed/N6QWdVD4zsc

If you ask me, that's just providing Joseph Kony with another torturous weapon. It's like 'High School Musical' if it were written and directed by Bob Geldof.

The 2012 Olympics are becoming a bit of a throbbing waste of a pain in the cunt. Billions of pounds worth of public money for the sake of an amateur sports day that lasts a fortnight, Jesus fucking wept. What bothers me the most is the organisers' obsession with the impossible dream of actually topping the opening ceremony held in Beijing, I'll tell you why that bothers me...

1. Yeah, right.
2. I don't understand why the opening ceremony gets more time and money put into it than the entire reason the Olympics even exist... the sports. Who could give a gypsey's left nipple about the opening ceremony? I couldn't, even if it didn't require surgical knowledge and extreme caution. I'd sooner book a room at Quintin Tarantino's 'Hostel' than see the Spice Girls and Girls Aloud performing the same show... or at all to be fair. The only way the opening ceremony would have anything remotely to do with the actual Olympics is if a black man came onto the stage, stuck a needle in his arm and injected liquidised money into his system before shouting "THIS WORLD IS OURS!" and sprinting back down a tunnel painted onto the wall like the Road Runner from Looney Tunes.

Rant on.