Statement: Another explanation as to why I rant...

Jesus, I feel like I've explained this so many times and still I am forced to explain it again and again. There are people who just don't understand me and the things that I say, I honestly don't blame them some of the time, but they imply (directly or indirectly) that they are somehow better than me because of that. For the umpteenth time, it has been brought to my attention that some folk just can't stand me or my rants (or both). This is my response.

I can't remember when I started "ranting", I have a vague idea of why I started but no specific details. Basically, a number of things influenced me to pick at the bones of matters that the people in question will quite easily shrug off. There were many influences that made me want to tell people exactly what they DON'T want to hear and simply tell things as they seem. Some of these influences are very real and truthfully piss me off to my very core, others are genuine, successful people to whom I look up. The main thing that attracted me to moaning my tits off was the world around me. This isn't just me, I guarantee everyone bitches about something, big or small, in every day of their life. I was at a point in my own life where I had too much time to think, my own extreme place where things are exactly like the "welcome sign" in my first blog post. Facebook tipped me over the edge in that respect, some of the things I see people say and do on there is utterly pathetic, and so I used that to my advantage and started letting people know what I thought about it amoung the other countless anoyances I experience day after day. The first human influence was critic/writer/comedian Charlie Brooker, I love his analogies. He tought me how to be clever when describing things and tought me how to use my initiative in how I convey each and every point in order to get the best and most unique material I could muster. Welsh comedian, Rhod Gilbert, is another bloke who has contributed a thing or two. From him, I learned to choose my subjects carefully and learned how to go "too far" but still be as effective when getting my point accross. Yes, without being introduced to these people, my rants wouldn't be the same, but make no mistake, I took it and made it my own. Everything you read in these blog posts, status updates, tweets, notes, books, whatever, all of it is 100% real and from my blackened heart. Every thought, analogy and idea is my own, no question.

In regards to my "anger", I suppose I have to admit that I do get really hacked off a lot of the time about stupid and inane stuff. It isn't all a performance to try and run away with the spotlight tucked under the wing of my jacket, but there is an element of deliberate exaggeration and sarcasm involved. You hear it everywhere - "sarcasm is the lowest form of wit". Really? Knock, knock jokes must be sending people to A&E where you come from then! "Nurse! Please help me, my sides are going to need about a million stitches! Honestly, the blood started making a right mess when Ivonne A Tinkle came to the door!". That sentence and made-up quote right there is the essence of every single one of my rants. Exaggerated, sarcastic and analytical - making the minor, major. I also concede that there is an attempt to make people laugh, the only reason for that is that I enjoy making people laugh. I generally enjoy complaining and going into a rage about the little things, it's fun but it doesn't make me start to like those things any better.

Another thing is that when I criticise a person's behaviour, I mean that too. If I think that anything you've said or done is stupid, I won't hesitate to let you know because I don't believe it is done enough. I'm not saying I'm perfect and that my way is necessarily the right way, I have a voice and I'm just not afraid to use it. I can instantly tell when people are not up to the mark mentally to understand what I'm saying, that's ok, but when I get childish remarks from people it just makes me laugh. They never fail to contradict themselves unknowingly, I contradict myself sometimes but most of the time it is deliberate to give a certain effect. People moaning about you moaning, talking shit about you talking shit, it's hilarious man. That's the other thing that motivates me to keep the rants coming.

Lastly, there is a re-occurring theme amoungst folk who read, or have read, my rants, which is that because I type some of the most pissed-off paragraphs you're likely to read, it means I am like that 24/7/51/365. Hahahaha! You couldn't be more naive. If you've ever met me, you'll know I am not angry all of the time and that, although I might seem like a dick at first, I'm actually a nice bloke. Apparently, a 300-400 word rant about TV show, This Morning, makes me "hard work" and unlikely to get a girlfriend. That's my point, I might get angry about stuff more than anyone really should and state it like the sarcastic dick I can be, but that doesn't make me any less kind, generous, loving and happy towards anyone who I think deserves it. I don't understand how anyone managed to arrive at that hideous assumption.

Hope that's answered any gripes you've had about my ways, now fuck off.